He who shall not be named!

I just saw him, the person who last year made me feel like a fool and now owes me $749. I haven’t seen him for quite a few months and the last thing I wanted was to spy him after having such a nice lunch and winning $19 on the scratchies.

It is not the fact that I saw him (I had resolved the whole hating him issue several months ago). It is the fact that I saw him wearing a suit, silk tie, carrying a briefcase and Myer bag. It is the fact that he was wearing money, my money!!!!

**breathe Charlie**

So the current rumour circulating is that he is intending to pay me some of what is owed, tonight at a party we will both be attending.

I had every intention of being polite and somewhat nice, but how can I do that when seeing him in such a way has turned me into a ranting looney. I am now plotting his demise!

What I hate most, is someone that has such little regard for those around him (who considered him as a friend) has happily landed on his feet. HE shouldn’t be happy, HE should be miserable, why isn’t he miserable?

To reiterate, I am struggling with cash flow and he is wearing a silk tie.

This is when you are assaulted with the knowledge yet again that life just isn’t fair.

And now I have to get back to work even though all I really want to do is viciously punch a boxing bag with his face pinned on it.

Avoid everything

In the not so wee hours of the morning (it's not even midnight yet) I find myself consumed with self doubt about pretty much everything. The biggest self esteem crusher (for me at least) seems to be discovering other people my age being more together and having what sounds like fantastic jobs and fantastic lives. I'm not saying my life is not fantastic but come on! why can't I have a little bit of success followed by heaps of money. Why am I stuck struggling?

It has to be either, these other "hit the jackpot" people are telling the truth or a grandious lie is being spun that has the overwhelming affect of depressing several of their own age group.

But maybe there is a third and the real truth is they are simply lying about their age and I still have at least a good 10 years left in my attempt to be remotely successful with a reasonable stash under the mattress.

I would like something to go as dreamed or planned.

**I am trying to remember if I have broken a mirror in the past seven years**

Who am I kidding I can't even write and my attempt to briefly dye my hair blue turned into a disaster, oh and don't forget the two "smelling of crap" plays that I insulted all other playwrights by having the gumption to put on a stage in front of an unknowing audience. They probably needed therapy afterwards.

Self loathing, now that's what I'm good at!!!!

next thing is how can I turn it into cash?

The most disturbing thing for me to realise is that maybe I am not destined for greatness like I had always dreamed, perhaps I am soley meant to be a witness to greatness - I am doomed to be sidelined to "audience" status.

Suddenly I feel really small.

It has begun. . .

Casualties from Cyclone Larry

WHATEVER YOU CAN DO,
OR DREAM YOU CAN DO,
BEGIN IT.
BOLDNESS HAS
GENIUS, POWER
AND MAGIC IN IT.

[GOETHE]

Pool God vs. Audrey

So Pool God and Audrey have entered the boxing ring yet again and at this stage it seems like neither of them will stay down for the count.

So here is a special post for the both of you to comment on!

Shall we see who can have the last word and how many comments they can run up between them!

Hair day

Today I cut my hair or I should say paid a hairdresser to cut my hair.

And the dilemma is . . .

A non-descript person walks up to you on a crowded street. In their hand is a leather brief case, which they hold to their chest. The conversation goes something like this:

Person: I have a million dollars in this brief case.

You: That's nice.

Person: would you like One Million Dollars?

You: Who wouldn't!

Person: Would you like this One Million Dollars?

You: [you think as you know that there has to be a catch] What's the catch?

Person: I will give you this briefcase with One Million dollars in it but you can never see any of your friends again - and if you do see any of your friends you will have to give back the one million dollars including anything purchased with it.

You: [insert answer here]


**So what would you do?**

100th Post

Well the doggy yoda pic was actually my 100th post on this blog and a celebration is in order. I didn't have enough time to bake a cake so I've borrowed one!

[Insert Weird Al song here]

Chapter One

Who am I?
Alas not a simple question to answer.
Why not?
Because I am still discovering who I am.


My sense of direction is shocking, ask anyone who knows me and because of this I have taken many long and probably unnecessary life detours to get where I am today. Of course you’re now expecting me to regale you with boastful stories of my successful career and life in general, however, I have another story to impart on the world. A story that is shouted many times over upon deft ears.

I remember year nine, I was 14 years old, finally in senior school, afraid of the seniors, had a crush on a 15 year old and pondering that years Christmas list. With the occasional glance at my books and my hectic social life that pretty much summed up 14 for me. Then one day the games had to stop, suddenly at 14 I was expected to make a decision that would alter the course of my entire life. I had to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Then I wake up and I’m 27 and have finally answered the question that is I hope so because my ambitions have deceived me before. I want to be a writer, but how does one do that? Sure I’ve written a few plays and some witty banter but I had never considered writing as a career till now. I curse my creative streak or lack of.

Sometimes I wish I could be happy just doing a run of the mill, 9 to 5 job that pays me a reasonable salary, but seven hours of none self inflicted boredom just doesn’t appeal to me. I am either irresponsible or wise because I hold onto the idea that work is not the be all and end all of existence. As the saying goes “work to live, not live to work”, to my eyes it would appear that most people live to work, do the math.

There are 24 hours in a day.
8 hours is dedicated to work
8 hours dedicated to sleep
2 hours dedicated to getting to and from work
1 hour dedicated to getting ready for work
1 hour dedicated to getting unready after work
20 hours is now lost.
1 hour to cook and eat dinner
3 hours left.
What can someone do in 3 hours?
No wonder depression is fast becoming the second largest illness.

Of course people argue that “we have the weekends” but I know from my own experience that weekends just aren’t long enough. You’re too darn tired from the week to actually think about doing anything because you’re too brain dead from your boring mundane job.

Decision

I have made a very important decision:

Sunday 19th March will be the very last day that I smoke. Monday 20th I intend to give up. Now this is a big step as I have never actually attempted to quit before!




Soon I shall be vice free - I'm excited!!

Addendum

I had intend to have a rather witty discussion on another topic but couldn't remember the witty discussion I wanted to write due to the death of too many brain cells.

Stupidity

I found this article on ninemsn (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=88296) and all I could think about was the bloody stupidity of it all! it's all right to show sex and violence but say the word 'bloody' and ohhh you get banned!


'Bloody hell' UK bans Aussie tourism ads
Thursday Mar 9 18:08 AEDT

British broadcasting authorities have banned the use of the latest advertisements promoting Australian tourism, which feature the slogan "Where the bloody hell are you?"

Federal Tourism Minister Fran Bailey said in a statement the ban by the UK's Broadcast Advertising Clearance Centre was comical.

"How anyone can take offence at a beautiful girl in a bikini on a sunny beach inviting them to visit Down Under is a mystery to me," Ms Bailey said.

Tourism Australia managing director Scott Morrison said he understood UK free-to-air TV stations had been refused permission to use the ads.

"We know from our research and all the research we did over there that people are not offended by this, particularly the people we are trying to talk to," Mr Morrison told ABC radio.

He said he was not upset by the ban and hoped that publicity surrounding it would provide a further boost for the campaign.

"Everything helps," Mr Morrison said.

Mr Morrison said the ban, which applied only to the use of the word "bloody" on commercial television, was "a marketer's dream".

"The PR (public relations) that will be driving the campaign in the UK next week is going to be unprecedented," he said.

"We would have preferred the ad to run the way we first made it, but we can still run it the way it is cut now, which says 'Where the hell are you?'," Mr Morrison said.

"It is not as if it is not going to be shown on UK television.

"It will be shown. It will just have that slight adjustment to it.

"It will be run in its original format on the internet, in cinemas and everywhere else."

The campaign will be officially launched in the UK on Monday.

©AAP 2006

Chucky's back

I just wrote the first line of my new play.

Some of you will sigh "not again" and "will she ever learn"
Some of you will show blind excitement

For me I've finally realised what I have been doing wrong all these years (apart from the fact that I can't write to save my life).

So look out because Chuck's Masterpiece is well going to be a masterpiece.

What is madness?

A misunderstanding or a security blanket for those who don't wish to understand the world.

Does madness exist or are we all as mad as each other.

How can you define madness in this mad, mad world of ours.

Am I Mad?

Today

I am embarassed to say that my last couple of rants have some really awful spelling and grammatical errors which I apologise for - I was ranting rather hurriedly what more can I say.

It's all over red rover

Why can't we have a good old apocylpse to liven things up!

Screw society

That's right, why should I be boxed in by what's socially acceptable, life is mundane enough without the added pressure of being compliant!

I think I have to change

because I think I am starting to hate myself and there comes a point where you cannot get away with any of it.

I'm turning into one of those sad middle aged freaks that still think they can prance around like they are 21 desperate to get some kind of recognition that they've still got it, when in actual fact they lost it long ago.

I think my problem stems from the fact that MOST of my friends are younger than me and hence can still get away with it.

I need to find some maturity and quite frankly, although I am scared, enter the next phase of adulthood which sees me as a responsible member of society who choses to leisurely sip wine at a cafe and discuss important issues like current affairs with one's nose in the air.

(my sentances are long - tough luck!)

It is time for me to cast aside those drunken ways in favour for a boring life making sandwiches, doing laundry and reading the Australian which my cappuchino and poached eggs.

I don't think I can do it - I think I'm going to turn 40 and still be trying to justify why I haven't grown up!

I need to grow up! but I wasted so much of my youth either being afraid or celebant or a freak or obsessed with some idiot here and there who couldn't care less about me.

I didn't spend enough time having fun and now I find that I'm too old to have the fun and I can here the mutters of "who does she think she is? so 20 year old!"

**cringes**

Geez louise I want my youth back!!!!

Why can't we change the dance.

I had a very drunken argument with a friend on Friday night, although I’m not sure if friend is the right word for us (our relationship is thoroughly screwed up, always has been and probably always will be). Now I can’t remember much of this argument, snippets here and there, but nursing my head Saturday morning I realized that we had just done the “dance” again.

Now why we argue, I haven’t got a clue but I can tell you when we argue – after copious amounts of alcohol.

So now I am at that stage (again) where I avoid the person and probably will for a good few months, until we get back to that comfortable stage before we argue again.

Why do I do it? I really don't know except for the fact that I think I'm just really screwed up!

Footnote

It was suggested to me that I was projecting my anger and hurt at finding out another good friend was back in town and I didn't know about - this is very possible as I was drunk and incredibly hurt and finding this out.

This of course then got me to thinking - what if every time I have had an argument with my friend (and they are the only person I seem to argue with) is because I am projecting!

Well then I was feeling incredibly awful and suddenly realised I was an absolutely horrible shitty friend and quite frankly would blame the person if they never spoke to me again.

And then I thought maybe I do it because I know they WILL speak to me again.

Hence, it is time to stop this vicious cycle and be nice cause they deserve it and I'm lucky to have them as a friend.

Times they are a changing

I have decided that a change is in order with my blog.

It is time I said something important!

I mean who is really interested in the "got nothing to say" posts that I make.

Yes, the times they are a changing!