The Wisdom of Teeth

This week I went through the most harrowing experience of my 29 years, teeth extraction!
Some would probably scoff, proclaiming that there are more harrowing things and they have been through them. For me, however, this superseded any broken heart or broken bone or tragic event that can occur in a person's lifetime.

I have never undergone any major dental work before in my life, no fillings, no root canals, no chipped tooth, nada, zip, nothing! That is until this week when I finally went in to have two wisdom teeth removed. To say I was scared is an understatement, I was petrified of the unknown and wanted to be completely unaware of what was happening.

Lying in the dentist's chair I was jabbed in the hand, applied with suctions on my foot and arms (to monitor my vital signs?!) and had a oxygen tube stuck up my nose before the rather brutish anaesthesiologist said that the anaesthesia should be kicking in and the curtains will probably appear wavy at which point I saw the tray of utensils rolled in. I was completely knocked out, that is until I came to, five minutes too early, the bloody dentist was still working in my mouth! Although I felt no pain I was aware of what was going on and felt completely helpless as I was unable to communicate my consciousness to those in the room. once the dentist finished up I stumbled into the recovery room with two people holding me up and the whole time I was crying at the fact that I became aware during the procedure. I lay in a large recliner chair and all I could think about was that I wanted my mummy which threw me back to when I was ten and stung by a jellyfish (although on that occasion I was crying for my daddy). I was 29 and one dental procedure turned me into a ten year old again!

I have now spent the past 2 days with my left cheek the size of a melon [literally], and today although the swelling has subsided somewhat, I have looked like one of those chubby 6 month old babies. The worst is that I cannot open my mouth very wide at all (I can't fit a teaspoon in there) so sustenance has been somewhat of an issue. Last night I cried through sheer frustration as I couldn't get my darn teaspoon of soup into my mouth without half of it dripping down my chin. This has all probably been exacerbated due to the fact that I have quit smoking and as most know, reformed smokers substitute the evil cigarette with food, that is if they can open their mouth to get the food in.

Today I realised I was so sick of jelly and custard (my main source of food) as I have also been drinking lemonade as suggested by the nurse to give me energy. I never thought it would be possible to abhor sweet things but I do. I ended up making mashed potato after an attempt at eating mashed avocado went horribly wrong. It was the best darn mash I have ever made and tasted and it is the first time in 3 days that I have actually eaten a whole bowl (granted a small one) of something rather than a couple of spoonfuls.

I greeted a census worker with my puffy face and a very loud "bravo" goes out to her for not even raising an eyebrow at my swollen bruised faced. She acted as though everything was normal even though I could hardly talk!

The pain killers have been a god send basically knocking me out, you pop two and then you're out like a light! I can feel the dissolvable stitches and it's gross and ALL my teeth hurt except where they pulled the teeth out. I think myself fortunate that I didn't have four wisdom teeth, that would have been sheer hell even though hubby reckons I've been nothing but cute through all of this. Believe me both he and I are surprised, we had both excepted me to be a really irritable bitch to put it nicely. Somehow (and I don't know how) I have managed to be sweet and cute!

Day four has now started and the left side of my face is still puffy but mainly from the bruising and I can still only open my mouth the width of my fore finger. Finally, all I can think about is a fat juicy steak with a crunchy salad on the side.

I'm craving serious food people!

Charlii Fandango signing off