Avoid everything
In the not so wee hours of the morning (it's not even midnight yet) I find myself consumed with self doubt about pretty much everything. The biggest self esteem crusher (for me at least) seems to be discovering other people my age being more together and having what sounds like fantastic jobs and fantastic lives. I'm not saying my life is not fantastic but come on! why can't I have a little bit of success followed by heaps of money. Why am I stuck struggling?
It has to be either, these other "hit the jackpot" people are telling the truth or a grandious lie is being spun that has the overwhelming affect of depressing several of their own age group.
But maybe there is a third and the real truth is they are simply lying about their age and I still have at least a good 10 years left in my attempt to be remotely successful with a reasonable stash under the mattress.
I would like something to go as dreamed or planned.
**I am trying to remember if I have broken a mirror in the past seven years**
Who am I kidding I can't even write and my attempt to briefly dye my hair blue turned into a disaster, oh and don't forget the two "smelling of crap" plays that I insulted all other playwrights by having the gumption to put on a stage in front of an unknowing audience. They probably needed therapy afterwards.
Self loathing, now that's what I'm good at!!!!
next thing is how can I turn it into cash?
The most disturbing thing for me to realise is that maybe I am not destined for greatness like I had always dreamed, perhaps I am soley meant to be a witness to greatness - I am doomed to be sidelined to "audience" status.
Suddenly I feel really small.
posted by Charlii Fandango @ 12:30 am
2 Comments:
Don't think like that charlotte. It was really amazing that you wrote those plays and organised the performances and directed the cast and did everything you could to put them on stage. That's more than a lot of self professed writers will ever do. Don't knock yourself down so much. You're not even 30 yet. It's not time yet to be so disillusioned and depressed. And your plays didn't smell like crap, they were exactly what they were. A first and second play that were performed successfully and with love. So there. Nothing to say you can't do it again x
Surely you can use that degree of yours for SOMETHING? That'll get u outta the rut. Yo.
Keep in mind there are job streams where simply possession of a degreee is the only entry requirement, regardless of the degree.
Like erm ASIS. Charlotte the Spy. Wouldn't be the first spy named Charlotte after all.......
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